Tone your tummy

I always remember the saying that says, change is the only constant in this world.  Also, from the writing of Dr. John Sklair, he says  ” You will never become who you want to be by remaining who you are. You have to change“. I like his views because it cuts right to the chase and puts the responsibility of change …in our hands.

There’s so much changes that happened in my life since i left my job at DTI. It was my comfort zone for many years and i never thought it’s possible to have different life away from that job. But i let change happened and here i am now living differently from what i used to be. I realized that if we want a different life, or a better job, or a better relationship, it will happen only until we make it happen. But if we contiue to think and act, as what we are now then we’ll always be the same.

Right now, i strive to strengthen my spiritual life despite  not being able to worship in church or to have fellowship with other believers. I tried to learn many things just by reading, watching good shows in TV and learning from other people’s lives. I tried to reach out to my kids and have a closer relationship with them despite our living apart. I believe that if i continue to strive for improvement in my life, in my relationhip, in my health then i can achieve the changes i want.

Five  years from now, i see myself as a woman  of dignity, spirituality renewed, physically healthy, financially independent, proud mother of 3 successful children and might be serving the Lord fulltime with my husband of 28 years by then.

I shall always remember that my future is all about actions i take and choices i made. As long as they are done with proper discernment and guidance from the Lod. i’ll never be mistaken.

I am an optimist. I decided to be one even before i read the verse in Roman 8:28 which says: “Everything works good for those who love the Lord”.

I was an optimist :

• when the doctors told me i will not live long because of a congenital heart defect. Now i’m nearing 50
• when they said i should not marry and have children. Now, i have a loving husband and  a mother of 3 wonderful kids.
• when i was told to  study in cagayan de oro because of financial difficulty but i completed an engineering degree in one of the best schools in Cebu City.
• when they said, i can’t travel on training scholarships because i’ll fail the medical examinations. I was a participants to 2 trainings abroad, in Japan and in Australia.
• when they said i can’t find job in USA because of my health but now i am gainfully employed here in NY.

I’ll be an optimist:

• that something favorable will happen to my husband and me while we are here.
• that my eldest daughter Kizzy will be successful.  She’s now starting her career in the film industry after she finished her course at UP Dilliman.
• that my second child Cheenee will finish her course with honors at Ateneo de Manila. She’s now  midway in her Development Studies course and will become one of the “World Changers”.
• that my youngest daughter Yayam will do good in her studies. She’s a freshman at UP Dilliman.
• that my children will meet and marry decent and authentic Christian  men.
• that my huband and me will live longer and will be serving the Lord full-time.
• that i can use my newly-learned cooking skill to feed my grandchildren.
• that we can celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary in 2034.

It’s well documented that optimists live longer, are happier, more successful and more popular than their pessimistic counterparts. There’s a study in Mayo Clinic that pessimist have a 19% greater likelihood of premature death. Optimists are flexible and resilient in their relationships and jobs no matter what problems come up or how boring it is. Optimists believe that a bad day doesn’t mean a bad life. An unpleasant event is only temporary. it only teaches us something. It’s all about keeping negative events in perspective.

I believe no one is born with  their destiny stamped on their forehead. We make the choices to fulfill our destiny. Nobody is born  great on everything. Hard work is needed to be what we want to be.

I am an ordinary person, born in a very small town in the Philippines, an underdeveloped country in the far-east. There was no pre-school then so in 1966 i enrolled in Grade 1 in the school very near our house. I thought, i’ll study in the next town for my secondary education but luckily, a high school was opened just in time for me to be there. There was no building, just a donated lot so the administration borrowed an old building from elementary school and we were housed there. During that school year, the HS building was constructed but only the frame and roof. To make a classroom, we walled and divided the building with “sulirap” (a woven coconut leaves). We suffered the mockery of neighboring schools because of our condition. We were not discouraged rather it gave us courage to do better. True enough, slowly we made our mark. We won awards both in academic and in sports. THe highest recognition i got was when i won a regional contest in mathematics. That was the basis for my decision to study engineering.

My parents are poor so at first i was enrolled in an accountancy course because i was given scholarship. I studied for a year but i was restless so the next year i shifted to BS Chemistry. I like Chemistry but i was discontended with the course. I applied for a grant from the government known as ” Study Now Pay Later Plan”, was qualified and accepted and i studied Chemical Engineering in one of the best schools in the country. I was happy with my decision. The 4 years of study was very tedious but enjoyable. That was the first time i realized life is wonderful.

My first job was teaching Chemistry in one of the schools in our povince. I was proud of it.  I should have build my career as an Engineering Professor but then a job at the Department of Trade & Industry (a government office) was available and i decided to transfer. Back then in 1982, working in the government was a great opportunity and a blessing.

The first 5 years in that office was really good. There were lots of travels within the region and throughout the country. It was at this time that i married my officemate who was also hired the same time as me.

My kids were born in 1985, 1988 and in 1990. I was contented as a wife, a mother and a career woman. During my years with DTI, i travelled to Japan and Australia to attend  training programs. My travels abroad opened my eyes to the world and to the cultures of other people. I learned that people in developed countries have  better living conditions than what we’re having. So i started to dream.

In 2003, my career was in stand-still. no promotion, no increase in salary, politics was really bad, corruption in government was rampant and it was really hard to make ends met, i became restless again. I decided to work out my plan of going abroad.

In April 2004, we came here. It was not our desire to leave our children on their own. Our staying here was a decision made out of need and it was discerned through prayers and was a consensus among us ( me,my husband and my kids), that it’ll bring us good.

Today, all of us are happy and i’m not restless anymore. I was healed physically and have a gainful occupation. My husband is enjoying his job and my children are having wonderful lives, taking the courses they liked and studying in the best schools. Happiness is really in the heart not in where you are. According to Naomi Judd in her book The Transparent Life “  happiness is a state of well being, full of contentment that comes from being satisfied with whatever you have”. Right now, i’m satisfied.

It is a title of an old movie i watched the other month starring Julia Roberts and Dennis Quaid. The story is about a married couple who after  more than 10 years of marriage drifted apart because they have nothing in common anymore except their teen-age daughter. The husband is working while the wife stays at home. So it happened that the husband’s world gets bigger while the opposite happened to the wife and they have  nothing to talk about. As a result, they separated and the wife went back to her parent’s house.

While there, she attended women’s group who talks about many things and she decided to resume her schooling and got interested in other activities.

Slowly, she build back her self-esteem. Her husband courted her again. The story has a happy ending for they realized that they still love  each other and they reconciled.

This story is happening in many marriages and i don’t want to happen this to me. Me and my husband worked in the same office for 22 years so we talked about a lot. We also have 3 kids who are the center of our marriage and we used to serve in “Couples for Christ” so we never ran out of topics.

But right now, there’s not much to talk about except our grown-up kids. But what about if they won’t need us anymore? My job is not interesting so is his though we enjoy working. We don’t have a social life now because we’re living apart and i’m working 24/7. Also, we’re not involved in a christian community anymore.

My reading and my writing helps a lot. These are the things i shared to him. I also watched NBA because he likes it so much and can’t watch the game because of his work. At first, i did not enjoy watching but when i became familiar with the teams and the players, i realized it was fun. We have the same favorite team, the New Jersey nets because we live in NJ. I also got interested in US politics which he likes so much and we talk about it a lot.

I believe that as long as i continue to enrich myself with reading, watching good shows and movies and be abreast with the current development in my surroundings,  i’ll be able to develop an interesting personality with so much to share and to talk about. I decided to adopt a “learning culture” wherever and whenever i am.

November 13, 2006: i was  terribly ill, can’t walk, can’t breathe and i thought i was dying. I stayed for a week at Elmhurst Hospital. While lying in the hospital bed, i asked my friend Linda to bring me a book and she did. It was about Psalm 23. As soon as i read the first chapter, all my worries dis-appeared. I was so inspired that i vowed to say the prayer everyday as long as i live. And this i want to share with you.

1. The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing i lack.. I proclaim the Lord as  my creator, my beginning and my end, my God, my redeemer, my Father and my all so there is nothing i want that He won’t give.

2. You let me graze in green pastures, you lead me beside still waters. You restore my soul. I considered the bed i’m lying as my green pastures so i need to be peaceful and wait for Him. I have to forget all my problems which at that time was how to pay my hospital bills and how to support my children back home.

3. You guide me to the path of righteousness for Your name’s sake.Where before i  had no time to commune with God, during my hospitalization, all my time was devoted to prayer. I was able to pray for healing, for my husband’s strength, for protection and good health of my children, for my relatives that they won’t worry about me, for my friend’s compassion, for the medical staff to know how to heal me physically and for financial miracle.

4. For though i walk through the dark valley , i shall not be afraid for You are with me, Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.I was ready to die then. I prepared my husband for the worst but then this prayer restored all my hope. When the Doctors told me that they can restore me back to health without worrying of the cost, it was as if the Lord talked  to me and assured me that everything will be alright.

5. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies, You anointed my head with oil, my cup overflows. It was amazing how the hospital staff prepared everything for my healing even an arrangement for my transfer to Mt. Sinai Hospital for the needed non-invasive heart surgery. What i did was just to submit some documents needed by the hospital.

6. Surely, goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. I was hospitalized for two more times, the last one lasted for 15 days. But truly enough, i was treated by the best doctors in one of the best hospitals in New York and i was healed.

7. And i shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.    How can i be unfaithful to the God who is so faithful to me?

Right now, the Lord gives me another green pasture, when I was given an opportunity to take care of a very nice elderly lady.

You can call me a superstitious but i really believe in angels. It was taught to me in my early catechism  during ” Flores de Mayo” which i religiously attended while i was growing up. Since then, i believe that everyone has an angel who watch over us, to keep us company on our way.

In Exodus 23:30 ” Behold, i am going to send an angel before you to guide you on your way”. And St. Francis de Sales once said, ” Make yourself familiar with angels and behold them frequently in spirit; for without being seen, they are present with you”.

My favorite angels are  St. Michael Archangel, because he defeated Satan and St. Raphael – the angel for travellers. Everytime there is fear in my heart, i called them and they always responded. When we call our angels always, we will eventually come to our own unique understanding on what they mean to us and we can feel their presence.

Once, our very old car broke down in the middle of Carmen Bridge (in Cagayan de Oro). My husband has to maneuver the car so i have to push the car so we can move. I really called my angels to help me coz how can a 90-lb woman be able to move a car? True enough, we were able to push the car until the end of the bridge. Moreover, everytime i travel, i called them because i have fear of travels on the sea, on an airplane and when i’m in an unfamiliar places. Right now, i called on St. Michael to accompany my husband everytime he goes home from work at 12 midnigth and for him to watch my children who are living far from me. My prayers to him is giving me peace.

It needs faith to believe. As it is said in John 20:29, ” Blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed. And St. Thomas Aquinas said;” Angels are messengers and ministers. Their function is to execute the plan of divine providence, even on earthly things”.

I think we can be angels for others too.  We can be angels by being true to our faith and ideals, when we touch and hug someone, when we share our life to others, when we can inspire others and help them in their needs. By writing a letter of joy and encouragement or sending a card to someone, we can be an angels to them.

Angels are always ready to lighten our load in life by helping us carry the weight of our reponsibilities and problems and so we can be angels when we can help someone who may be feeling overworked or everwhelmed with problems.

I really want to be an angel for others even if i don’t have abundance of money or material things or time but i would like to share my smile, my laughter and my heart if possible.

I remember, an author Jane Howard  said, “angels are interested in everything and so in order to qualify as an earth angel, we need to be interested in others”. I hope i can be an angel to someone else especially my husband and children who need it most.

This was the topic for discussion yesterday in “Todays Show”. There were sharing from some mothers and also a Psychologist was among the discussant.  There’s really what is called” a middle-child syndrome”.

I was interested with  the topic because like them i am also raising 3 girls and i have a middle-child who is very unique and special.

Acccording to the Psychologist, the middle-child especially if they are of the same gender ( like mine) tend to be individualistic and usually hold their feelings or most often  shut-down communications with parents or siblings. They seem to feel less love and they always seek attention. But the good thing is that most middle-child are successful people because they tend to overcome their insecurity by doing good and achieve more. They also tend to become good revolutionary and leaders.

How to deal with them:

1. Make special time with them

2. Keep communications open

3. Don’t favor one child

4. Don’t compare 

5. Let the elder child listen to the younger one

6. Don’t make him/her a referee for a sibling’s quarrel

7. Don’t give them hand-me downs

When my middle-child was  still a baby, she cried always, often without reason. Now i understand that she was just seeking attention. Maybe she felt insecure having an “Ate”  which often gets the better share and at the same time, there is another baby around. As a mother i really tried my best to give  fair share and attention to each one. Honestly, i have no favorite child. I believe LOVE is multiplied not divided. But only my children can judged if i was rally fair to them. When my youngest was 10 years old, we started  giving them shopping money everytime we recieve our bonus (as government employee)  which is twice a year. It was up to them to decide how to spend their money. Giving the younger child “old” things from the elder ones was only an option, not a rule.

My concern now is i cannot give my middle-child extra time and attention because of our distance but i tried to communicate as much as i can.

I just hope that  my middle-child and my other 2 children will be successful someday. I wish and pray for their success in career, love and family life.

I joined a guided tour in New York City last Sunday together with my husband.

I enjoyed the trip but i was’nt happy.  I see NY as a concrete jungle – all buildings tall and mighty. There is no squatter’s area but rather rows of high-rise condominiums. There is no rough roads yet you can see vandals on the walls of some buildings. There are people everywhere-all in a hurry.  Many shops are full and the Tourist Guide pointed to us the most expensive shops and many people are shopping there. Almost all restaurants both indoor and outdoor are full of people. It seems poverty is  not present in this metropolis.

We passed by a  church which is now a bar, according to the Tour Guide. In my mind, maybe, the parish was bankcrupt and was forced to sell the church building then the new owner made it into a bar without renovating the building.  This reality  breaks my heart. I remember the news maybe 5 months ago regarding the closure of 10 parishes in New York state.  They were either merged with other parishes or just closed because the numbers of parishioners can no longer support the church. One example is The Saint Paul’s The Apostles Church located at the back of Penn Station in 34th st. which is now closed and is offered for sell. What a sad story.

We also passed by the Marble Collegiate Church where Norman Vincent Peale -then the minister preached for 50 year. He’s the author of “The Power of Positive Thinking” which sold more than 20 million copies and he authored 47 more books. He preached about the love of Jesus Christ and has converted many souls except those from New York. Basing on the statistics, the numbers of believers in NY has declined over the years especially Catholics which is being proved by the closure of many deocese, parishes and chapels.

What did i get from the tour? photos of big buildings, museums, and ads displayed near Times Square. It was fun but it will not rejuvenate your heart. I  think  it’s better to climb the mountains or see the ocean or be with your family. These are simple activities yet makes your heart glow because it gives meaning to your life. As they said, there is meaning in what we do if our spirit is lifted  or charged. And since my spirit was dull after the trip – it means it has no meaning after all.

Last month, in Today’s Show here in New York city, a new survey was revealed. According to the survey, there are 5 requirements for a successful marriage:

1. Faithfulness – Marriage means  an end of dating and the wife or husband is expected to be faithful otherwise it becomes a ground for divorce
2. Sexual Compatibility – Connections between couples in terms of sexual intimacy played a very important role for a lasting marriage. When it’s gone, marriage is said to be over
3. Shared household chores – In this modern times, wives are pursuing their careers as much as the husbands so it is imperative that they shared the concerns at home including parenting
4. Adequate Income – It is impossible for married couple to live  in harmony if they lack material needs, what with the materialistic culture that this country is into.
5. Better Living Condition – means better homes, good environment and comfortable lifestyle.

What a change really! I’ve just shared the 10 commandments of marriage written by a Psychologist Dr. Katzoff to make a lasting marriage but none of it came out as one of the factors from this recent survey. His book is antiquated and no longer acceptable in this country if the result of the survey is to be believed.

Does it mean that:

• lust (physical attraction per se) is greater than love?
• Machocism is outdated and a thing of the past?
• Materialism is  more acceptable more than anything else?
• children are not necessary to bond a marriage?
• Women are very practical  that it’s better to live with a husband that can provide material needs than affection?
• Motherhood is no longer  a martyrdom but shared?
• Those who can’t afford to provide better living condition has no right to marry?

What do you  think?