Tone your tummy

I never had to worry about my tummy – in fact i was underweight until last year after my congenital heart defect was corrected. The pounds started to pile particularly on my tummy. From 87 lbs when i was discharged from the hospital on February last year, my weight increased to 115 lbs.

When i read the book ” Tone Your Tummy Type” by Denise Austin, i learned that there are 5 tummy types, namely; The Apple Type, Metabolically Challenged Type, Peri/Postmenopause Type, Stressed Slender Type and the After Baby Type.   

Upon analysis, i realized that my tummy type is between the metabolically challenged type and the peri/postmenopause type.

When i was younger, i was not metabolically challenged and my metabolism is very high considering that my heart rate is above normal. I learned that high heart rate will aid metabolism. Now that my heart rate is normal ,my metabolism slows down  plus i’m nearing 50 which is a perimenopause stage. Both age and hormonal changes at menopause increase the risk of metabolic syndrome.

My vital statistics are still within range and i want to stay that way. My body mass index (BMI) is 22 ( the normal is between 18-24) so if not careful, i’ll be overweight for my index is nearing the maximum. My waist line is 27 (the normal for women is not more than 35). Since, my height is only 5″, i have to maintain my waistline on the minimum to maintain my BMI.

To tone my tummy, i have to do these activities (according to the author):

1. 45 minutes of exercise, at least 5 days a week.   According to the study, moderate intensity exercise can reduce the risk of cancer and heart disease and shrunk abdominal fat by between 3.4% and 6.9%.
2. 20-25 minutes of power walking – as a cardiovascular exercise to increase heart rate
3. Consider taking a medication class.  Meditation has been shown to increase dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA), a hormone produced in the adrenal glands that reduce abdominal fat
4. Eat 7 to 10 serving of vegetables and fruits everyday. High intakes  of these foods protect our bones and heart health during and after menopause. Vegetables can shrink tummy fat because of high fiber and water and very low in calories.
5. Relax-daily.  Stress interferes with the functioning of our adrenalin glands which the body need to function efeectively during and after menopause. Deep breathing from the tummy, in and out slowly through the nose can relax tense muscles and aid metabolism.
6. Take a fiber supplement. Metabolism slows at menopause and there’s a need to eat about 200 fewer calories to prevent weight gain. A fiber supplement is recommended.

Right now, i’m very relax in my work and i can feel my muscles are not tense. I tried my best to have a 1-hr exercise indoor that includes  core actions to trim the tummy and my yoga routine. On weekdays and when the weather is good, i can do the 30 minutes power walking. I also tried to eat plenty of fruits and vegetables and this is one of the best habits i learned here. I am taking a daily dose  of omega-3 which the author recommended to improve metabollism and reduce inflammation.

If i can make these a habit, surely  my goal of maintaining my weight and waistline can be achieved. What i only need are commitment and consistency.

I love the wonder of nature especially plants and trees.  I’m always entertained and amused by the simplest of things in this world. 

As i walk around this afternoon, i was strucked by the beauty of chrysanthemums planted around the subdivision. I said to myself, what a privilege it was to be a witness to this beautiful scenery that is offered by nature and how this was a great example of one of those “stop and smell the roses” moments.

My life 3 years ago was very tedious. I had a job, a husband and 3 kids all in school. I remember i had to wake up at 5:00 am, prepare breakfast then prepare myself for work. I don’t even have time to wash the dishes. I do it once in the evening after dinner. After work, we had to bear the traffic and usually arrives home at 7:00 pm then prepare for dinner again. I still had to clean the house before bed. There was really no time for smelling the roses. I was caught up in the rat race, that I totally lose sight of what’s really matters.

In this day and time of my life, i have all the time to relax and i have all the time  to smell the roses. I also force new thoughts into my mind and new images into my day despite my isolation from my family and friends. I need to introduce new stimuli into my day and open my eyes and mind to new possibilities.  And what better way to do it than to enjoy the nature especially these days when temperatures is averaging 85 degrees and very conducive for staying outside.

What a day!.

!

Life is an amazing journey full of opportunity, excitement and wonder. There are also mysteries which oftentimes we cannot solve but it’s still a wonderful journey. It’s also like a wheel, sometimes you’re up and sometimes you’re down.

I love life. I appreciate the opportunities laid before me everyday and so I’m always trying to find ways to make my life better and more meaningful even if my life is presently sedentary.

According to Dr. John Sklare, a leading Psychiatrist here in New York, life is like a car. It needs fuel, maintenance and steering. The fuel can be found in the value of healthy living. Just like a car, if you put the wrong fuel, you get poor performance and shorter ride. Also, just like a car, you need maintenance. A proper diet and a consistent exercise program provides your body and your life the maintenance it needs to run smoothly, operates efficiently and stay in good working condition. And finally, your life needs steering. You are the driver of your life and you get to choose the direction your life takes. Without active physical and mental involvement, your life goes nowhere.

I fill my life with faith, hope and love. I water it with positive thoughts  and  gratefulness. These i do everyday to prevent boredom and resentment. For maintenance, i do my one-hour exercise daily and eat the right foods both in quality and quantity. Everyday, i also take Vitamin C , a multi-vitamin and Omega-3 religiously. But i ask God’s guidance in steering my life. I prayed that the Lord will lead me to my goals and grant me the desires of my heart as long as it is according to His will.

Health – the 10th and the last commandments in marriage according to Dr. S.L. Katzoff from his book “Why Marriage” published in 1932.

Health is defined as a state or condition of the body in which every organ and tissue functions at its normal and maximum capacity. In a  broad sense, health may exist only when our physical and mental faculties work in harmony. This implies that we must be free from such destructive agencies as anger, hatred, envy, jealousy, greed, fear, intolerance and ill will towards our fellowmen. Health is the basis for love, charm, power, wealth and success. It is the cornerstone of beauty and happiness.

One of the best ways of holding each other’s affection is to obtain and maintain health. To prolong life, consider the following: live as much as possible in open air, breath deeply and regularly; take plenty of exercise; let “early to bed and early to rise” be your maxim; let your diet consist of fruits, nuts and vegetables; fast occasionally; take medicines moderately or only those prescribed; think well before undergoing surgery; learn not to worry; develop a constructive body. The fewer the luxuries you have to contend with, the longer you live.

It should be said that a thorough physical and psychological examination prior to marriage is important. Nobody has the right to marry and bring children into this world if he has a venereal or organic disease of an incurable nature.

Sex health is important. Women and men must get out of their minds the ignorant superstition that sex instinct is wicked. We have to remember that marriage will not exist  without it and so we have to perceive its purity, its power  for health, happiness and achievement. To possess an intelligent knowledge of sex and conform to ts lofty principles is to have one of the cardinal virtues; a basis  for health and all that is sublime in our very beings.

Another factor that affects health is sense of humor. It can ravel many a hard knot. A home should have smiles on it. Expect mistakes but learn to laugh at them as you improve and learn to avoid  the same mistake. Play to maintain health.A great factor for health, congeniality and efficient service are rest, play and recreation. It should be a husband’s duty to look after this matter. He should learn what she likes best, whether opera, sympony, lecture, shows, sports, a vacation or  visit with friends/relatives. She’ll be pleased to know he pays such particular attention to her enjoyment, and which they both enjoy.

The couple should also develop interest in human welfare. Every human being, as long as he is mentally and physically able should do something useful to others. It keeps one thinking of something other that oneself. This is in itself conducive to good health and there is the wonderful psychological feeling of having done good to others. It helps one develop cheerfulness and optimsm, which are aids for health and happiness.

No matter how important the nine commandments in marraige, they are not complete without health.

I agree that  health is important in marriage but i disagree with the author ’s idea that it is a pre-requisite to marriage. Does it mean that people who are sick have no right to marry? If that is so then i would not have been married and bear children. I was born with a congenital heart defect and doctors told me not to marry and have children. My husband knows my condition yet he still want to marry me. As my daughter cheenee’s favorite verse said”Fall in love, stay in love and it will decide everything.” Love conquers all.

Home — the 9th commandments of marriage according to Dr. S.L. Katzoff from his book ” Why Marriage” which was published in 1932.

Thousands of youngsters enter into marriage with only a slightest knowledge of the art of homemaking. How can marriage be anything but foredoomed to inevitable failure because of  ignorance of the essentials towards making a real home.

A home, in the true sense of the word, is a nursery of domestic virtues. It is a place where is found food for the mind as well as the body. Home is a haven of refuge. Peace that is worthy of the name and good will on earth, can and will exist only when it begins at home.

Home-making and the perpetuation of finer home depends mainly on the wife. With her  kindness, motherliness and patience, she is the real builder of the home. When she adds to her resources a knowledge of masculine psychology, her marital fortress will be secured and her happiness established.

Some fundamental principles of home-making are:

1. Be quick to show concern and sympathy – Men, in certain aspects are like children and wants to be treated by the woman he loves, like a beloved child.  It is the “boy” in every man that makes him crave a woman’s shoulder to lay his head or hide his face when he is defeated. The woman who makes him happiest is the one who sees in him the “eternal boy” and treats him with the same sympathy, kindness and affection that every boy  craves from his mother. Woman also needs the same from man.
2. Both men and women crave words of praise – A reasonable praise should be applied to either husband or wife when the opportunity present itself.
3. Be willing to be of service and help – Men and women want to be served.
4. Do not magnify trifles – both should condone or overlook petty faults in each other. Belittling or reprimanding the other is something that is hard to endure graciously. One may be hurt by the other being harsh or mean. If it is done at all, it should be done tactfully and in private.
5. Give each other considerate and undivided attention – the art of listening is needed always and give each other a chance to speak and air her/his views
6. Don’t subordinate the mate – Children should not be given too much attention than your spouse. Children should be an additional love in which both parents may participate and should bring them closer together. Also, the spouse should be more important than their parents.
7. Take a vacation from each other- ” Absence makes the  heart grow fonder”, they say. If couples are to continue loving each other as fervently as ever, they should occasionally be apart a day or two.
8. Eat out sometimes – It relieves the wife from eternal grind of food preparation. What is more, the change of scene has a soothing effect and after these outings they appreciate their home comforts better.
9. Never brings your business at home – they, as a rule don’t mix. Business should not be dragged to the home if it can be helped. No man has the right to invade the sanctity of the home with business cares.
10. Wife’s business is the home – if possible. But if the wife has a carreer, the home should not be jeopardized
11. Let peace prevail at all times – Home is a place of rest, peace, good cheer, order, cleanliness and beauty. The wife should be an embodiment of peace.
12. Do not be a “too-good” housekeeper – The wife should keep the house clean but not ot the extreme of obsession that she constantly clean and polish her home. Do not be slaves to cleanliness but rather the wives should realize that the happiness and comfort of all members of the family are more important than a spotless house. This does not mean that cleanliness is not important.
13. Put system in the home – to minimize fatigue and time in doing houseworks thus leaving more time for recreation, rest, study, reflection and general improvement.
14. Beware housing relatives permanently – Married couples should live independently.  The only exception is when it is necessary to care for old parents.
15. Aspire to have children – to make your home complete

I realized after reading this portion of his book that i have live most of the principles in home-making. I’m a working wife/mother but i made sure that everything is manageable in my home, though i was not a good cook. We had peace, we love each other, we have order and cleanliness and we live independently. That was our home before.

Everything becomes abnormal when we left our home 3 years ago. My children were left at the care of their long-time nanny while me and my husband struggled to have a place to be called our “home”. My home now is my workplace while my husband has his own “home” too. But i remember an old poem that says:

      A man’s dwelling is of a floating one

     Wherever a man goes, there’s a home

     Why insist on being buried in your hometown?

     Home is where you make it.

This is just temporary. When it’s time for me to go back to our country, then i can reclaim and rebuild my home.

Sexology – the 8th commandments of marriage from the book ” Why Marriage” by Dr. S.L. Katzoff

Of the factors to be considered more important is a knowledge of the psychology of sex, with special reference to that phase of the subject which makes for mutual understanding and satisfaction; namely, sex virility, mutuality in expression, intelligent guidance and moderation.

Sexuality without question, is one of the most powerful factors in the individual. When aided with mental control, it can  awaken noble feelings which elevate man to appreciate beauty, fine distinctions of right and wrong and creative expressions.

To be sure, men and women contemplating marriage should be healthy in body and mind including all faculties and would be willing to consecrate their lives to making a success of this noble and sacred union.

If a man will only realize that his potential partner is to be life companion, a friend, a sweetheart, he will find in marriage the greatest joy and tranquility. In order to reach that realization he must understand that it is indispensable to his own happiness that she really be an active partner and not a passive instrument. He must realize that time and kindness must be allowed for the unconsciuos resistance of the bride to disintegrate; that only when she is pleased should he be pleased.

If both partners are healthy, and the husband particularly will recognize  that time, patience, development of mutuality of interest in desire for expression and gratification are needed before a harmonious mating takes place.

A healthy normal sexual life leads to the development of virtue and even to self-sacrifice. If it is not properly guarded, if sensuality is developed, it may degenerate into powerful passions and develop the gravest vices; for sensuality not only debases the body and mind of its victim, it blunts the keen edge of pleasure itself. The sensualist spends his life, usually a short one, in rendering his passions instead of employing them in the service of life. Unless we learn to govern our passions they will govern us. Passions may be compared to fire, which although a valuable power for good, is destructive if it is not guarded or properly controlled.

The other commandments in marriage are very important but they are not complete or all sufficient without a realization of that wonderful agency that makes a useful and happy married life; namely sex normalcy and sex health.

The importance of sex in marriage cannot be undermined.We once attended a Marriage Enrichment Retreat and it was emphasized that sexual intimacy is a requirement for a strong marriage. In 1 Cor 7:3-5, it says ” The husband should fulfill his duty towards his wife, and likewise, the wife  towards her husband. Do not despise each other except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, to be free for prayer, but then return to one another so that Satan may not temp you through your lack of self control.

Appearance– the 7th commandment of marriage from the book “Why Marriage?” by Dr. S.L. Katzoff.

The art of appropriate dress is worth the study of every man and woman desirous of a happy marriage, and the continuance of esteem and mutual affection.

Clothes express one’s individuality and is essential to man and woman, but more to a woman. Simplicity should govern dress, for this makes it more becoming. But some woman dress so grotesquely that they seem to convert their bodies into “walking clothes-racks”.

We are living in a busy materialistic age;so much so that we consume more time in appearing to be what we are not than what we really are. Usually, women dress for display, and wants to become walking advertizement for her husband and show his generosity as provider.

What is  important for every woman, rich or poor to make good in her attire is good taste in dressing.What is most needed to be well dressed is discriminating common sense, or uncommonly good sense.Another of importance is simplicity as against crude staring effects. The truly charming woman is dressed in quite attire of exquisite simplicity of design. She does not dress to attract indiscriminate attention. Clothes should direct attention to personality rather than to the person. Good tates is the best dressmaker. It also makes for immaculateness, good carriage and good habit in dress –three very desirable characteristics that are associated with appropriate dress.

How can this good taste be attained? It comes mainly through constant self-study plus conservative criticism from another person who understands the various principles of dress and who have your interest at heart. The factors to  be  considered are:

• comfort
• suitability (occassion, age, accessories matching)
• probable effects on husband

The third factor is the most important for husbands are the truest mirros in which wife can see her beauty. A husband’s intelligent understanding and approval reflect the beauty and happiness of a woman’s soul. A wife should be adorned so that she will look lovely and attractive in her husband’s eyes. What is more, she should decide whether she desires to please her husband or the neighbors.

Neatness is another important factor in dressing. Even in the home when the wife does household chores, she should be dressed neatly and should endeavor to be presentable at all times.This holds true with the husband. Thus men should regularly shave, groom his hair, washed and tidy at all times and should dress presentably when at home.

If it is important that the wife dress tastefully, so with the husband. Though the man has far less latitude in color, style and design in his selection of clothing, he still has opportunity to step widely aside from the paths of good taste. Conservatism is the safeguard. Novelties in man’s attire mark the wearer either as collegiate or one who lacks culture and good taste.

It is undoubtedly true that affection flies out the dor when carelessness of appearance enters and it is a mutual truth. And if the truth were told,  it is likely that there would be more untidy neglectful husbands than wives.

As i mentioned in my earier posts, this book was written and published 80 years ago so the situation was different. People during those time were more conservative in their dressing unlike now where style of dressing is grotesque. Women tend to display their assets like cleavage, legs, and their tummy. But i think the author’s idea holds true for married people. I ca’nt imagine myself wearing clothes not appropriate to my age and to the occassion. I’m also particular to the style and whether my husband likes the way i look. I also takes time to see my husband’s wardrobe and check if he dresses appropriately. I think it’s a natural thing for a committed relationship to check on each other’s appearance.

On the book of Proverbs about the ideal woman, it says in 31:25 ” She is clothed with strength and dignity and she laughs at the days to come.

Food–the 6th commandments of marriage according to Dr. S.L. katzoff from his book “Why Marriage?”.

The need for food is everlastingly before us, from the cradle to the grave. Although it has such a common interest for us, yet it is one of the things of which we know little.

Physiological consideration of food teach us that food bears the same relation to the body that fuel does to locomotive. Unless proper food is supplied in correct proportions the bodily functions are materially interfered with. It is therefore essential as well as instructive to have some knowledge of the chemical nature, vitamin content, nutritional ingredients and relative value of foodstuffs.

Psychological consideration of food (for wife who manages the home) teaches us that in order to satisfy a husband in the matter of food, a wife should learn the three fundamental laws pertaining to food:

1. the law of punctuality. Nothing will please or satisfy the masculine heart and stomach than to find his meal ready on time, waiting for him.
2. the law of selection. Refers to his taste versus hers.  As there are no two human beings alike, so there are no two exactly similar tastes. Further, no matter how good a certain dish of food may taste to the wife, it does not necessarily taste the same to the husband. So, the wife should let the husband the food he likes–not the kind she thinks is good for him. And let him not argue if she prepares a desired dish for herself.Finally, a hungry husband wants food, not arguments, disputes or anything else.
3. the law of reasonable quantity. To give food at desired quantity aside from its quality and punctuality. There should be a reasonable limit to one person’s consumption of food. It is better to eat less than one’s maximum capacity than to overeat.

The very least that a wife can do is to see that the husband gets the kind of food he likes as much as he should have and when he likes it. A great contribution to happiness often lies in a knowledge of the subject “food”.

Well, i can’t argue with Dr. Katzoff. I think i always live with his three laws. And i  always believe in a saying that ‘a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” 

However, during my 20 years of married life, i never learned to prepare  exotic or recipe dishes or bake. Why? Because my husband’s favorite foods are ” tinola, paksiw, utan law-uy, fish with malunggay” and all native foods so i thought there was really no need for me to learn to cook foods other than these. Though my husband is contented with the kind of food we served at home yet i realized that these simplicity did not make me a good mother. My children seldom experience eating good food that i myself prepared.

It is only now that i  tried to learn to cook because it was necessary for my job. I still prepare  my husband’s favorite food when he visits me in my workplace on Saturdays and Mondays. But i made a promise to myself that when i’ll be re-united with my children, i’ll prepare quality and tasty foods for them. Maybe by that time, my husband can develop other tastes, having lived here for quite a long time

Patience – the 5th commandments of marriage according to Dr. S.L. Katzoff from his book ” Why Marriage?.

One of the greatest essentials in the happy holding of a wife or a husband is the cultivation of that precious, all to rare, gift of patience.

By the term patience we do not mean that which serves as a cloak for cowardice or camouflage for laziness, nor do we mean submission to indignities and humiliation, which could be prevented by asserting one’s womanhood or manhood.

There is no one with whom a woman needs more patience than with a man. Of all the living creatures, he is the most impatient. Nature has endowed a woman with more patience than man. If there is one who can tame a man and develop him to be at his best, it is the gentle, loving and patient woman, his comrade and wife. Patience and gentleness always go hand in hand. The result of patience is very gratifying. It is one of the secrets of success — especially matrimonial success.

The essential traits of a contented being usually are love, ethics, tolerance, diligence and patience. They stifle anger, extinguish envy, subdue vanity and calm the ruffled feelings. They bridle the tongue and restrain the hand. Patience teaches us to forgive and be the first to say “Im sorry”.

There is no realm of human conduct where patience, together with intelligent action, can be applied more freely and with more success than with a husband who have acquired bad habits. To be succesful in the removal of bad habits one should not attempt its removal by violent methods, rather to do it gradually and should introduce a substitute. Only when a loving and patient wife realizes the causes of bad habits can she help her husband eliminate them.

What God says: In Col 3:12-13 ” Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another”. In Proverbs  16 :18 “An ill-tempered man stirs up strife but a patient man allays discomfort”. Also in Proverbs 16:32 ” A patient man is better than a warrior, and he who rules his temper, than he who takes the city”. Moreover, in Proverbs 25:15 ” By patience is a ruler persuaded, and a soft tongue will break a bone“

I agree with the author that patience is needed for a successful marriage but i seem to disagree that women need more patience than men. Not only the husbands have bad habits but also the wives so both need to practice patience.

In my case, my husband needs to have more  patience. I’m easily irritated, easily affected by events and I’m very impulsive especially in buying things so i think he need it more than me for us to live harmoniously.

Right now, i think we are in harmony.

Conversation as the fourth commandments of marriage from the book ‘Why Marriage? by Dr. S.L. Katzoff.

Few among  us realize the significance and far-reaching effect of conversation. Most of us are extremely careless of the way in which we converse with one another. Not only do we think little of what we say and how it will react upon those to whom it is said but we are slovenly in our expression generally.

The first requirement in conversation is listening. It is an art. A serious effort on the part of conversationalists is the habit of interruption. If there is anything that a sensitive man or woman paricularly dislikes and is irritated by is to be interrupted when it is done by a wife or a husband, the very one whom the mate craves most for an audience. Constant interruption shows lack of good manners, patience and respect–three characteristics essential to marriage. To wait until a person completes statement or explanation requires patience. In brief, fortunate is the husband or wife who has mastered the art of listening and is an intelligent conversationalist.

Silence is golden. the matter of when to be silent is of great importance. Silence and speaking in a low tone of voice are considered great virtues. Great teachers of antiquity lay stress on the cultivation of silence, in order that we may not be deaf to the “still small voice” that speaks within us. Silence is preferable to the discoursing of one who likes to hear the sound of his own voice. Argument and pedantry will both fail when reasonable silence, composure and carefully chose words will do wonders.

Unfortunate is the husband/wife  whose spouse thinks that he/she is a born teacher, trying to teach each other how to do this and that. The “teacher-wife” however, soon find out that masculine nature does not like to be taught. On the other, the “teacher-husband is the type who would model the wife according to the pattern of some women he admires, usually his mother. Husband, beware of this thought! Remember, individuality is a precious possession. If there is a need to teach or correct, be sure that your spouse is composed and contended, this way you can accomplish your purpose.

Another false step, or display of an ego complex is when a husband or wife continually refer to themselves as an example during conversation. It is not necessary to be dragging an “I” all the time The proper  time to use the word “I” is when showing humility such as; I never know of that… or I do not know of….

If wives whose husband have fallen in love with other woman should make an analysis of the cause. Most often, the reason is that the husband has found an “ideal listener”. To recapture the husband, the wife should not only learn to listen but be friendly and attentive to her husband. Things to do when it happens:

1. Appear to know nothing
2. Do not show jealousy
3. If any reference is had to the subject and she must express an opnion, it should be done with sympathy, kindness and consideration without negative or insulting remarks against the third party
4. Make an inventory of your appearance or methods/approach to your husband in terms of human relations.

It is only after these approaches fails that divorce become an alternative. And if divorce is decided, it should be done without anger, malice or vindictive attitude.

Conversation between a husband and wife may make for happiness or misery.One word, harsly said, may remain imbedded in a mate’s memory or in his/her subconscious mind for weeks, months or years. As the Talmud says ” Words like milk, once taken from its original source cannot be returned”.A beautiful romance may be shattered by the utterance of a single, uncalled for, painful word. One insult when least deserve may so change the feelings and thoughts about each other, that the couple may never again appear the same to each other, for years, perhaps  for a lifetime.

Nagging and complaining are habits resulting often in antagonism and will produce negative reaction, resulting in repression or undesired expression.Thus it should be avoided.

The “face-toface” method is the proper and most effective communication. It should be done as a matter of etiquette and courtesy.When one speaks, undivided attention should be given.

Real beauty on the part of a husband or wife many times consist in being able to leave unsaid the wrong thing or painful word at a tempting moment. Saying nothing however, when something should be said is bad. We must learn when to say nothing and when to say something. Anything wrong done must be confessed and it is bad policy to justify actions

Lastly, it takes two to make a quarrel. Many homes are destroyed by incessant haggling or disputes. Understanding usually guarantees harmony. The difference of opinion should always be merely an incident, the most important thing should be that they remain in good terms after the conversation. It is an indication of lack of self control for either one to be angry during a conversation. Why should husbands or wives becomes angry at each other because they differ? Hasn’t each the right to his own opinion?

Love, freedom, endearment are valuable, but in order to reach the desired and attainable state, a couple should study the arts which promotes happiness, among which may be studied discretion in speech, tact or successful, pleasant conversation.

The author had said much about conversation. I agree most on what he said but when he wrote the book 80 years ago, the stuation was different, there was no email, no cellphone so you really have to converse in person. I think the right term to use now is ” Communication in Marriage” because of the new technologies available to communicate.

What can we find from the bible regarding conversation? In Proverbs 15:1-2 ” A mild answer calms wrath,  but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise pours out knowledge but the mouth of fools spurts forth folly”. In Proverbs 21:23 ” He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from trouble.

Honestly, this is one area in my marriage that i continue to struggle. Sometimes, i think i am smarter than my husband that i tend to be a “teacher-wife”. I think it will take a lifetime to learn the art of communication. But as said in previous commandments, if the person is worth keeping, why not give your best? For this, i’m willing to learn even if it will take a lifetime